Self-Image Reboot

The 90s were a different time. If I only remember my own body, I wonder why the hell I thought I was so fat, but everyone was much thinner then. I look back at photos and realize how much larger I was than my peers, especially in the legs. Those run in the family and had nothing to do with being fat. I remember our family photo from vacationing in Maui. My mom cropped the portrait at the waist when we got our copy. As she discarded the bottom half of the photo, she commented that it looked like a redwood forest.
If a body positive reboot of the Victoria’s Secret ad had existed when I was younger, I think I would have taken better care of my body, or at least respected myself more instead of jumping at whoever would take me. Early in high school, one of my friends had a baby, and I think my mom started searching for signs where there were none. I remember being camped out on the living room floor, watching TV, and my mom asking if I was pregnant because she noticed the bump below my bellybutton. Nope. That’s just me. I had the body of one of the girls in the reboot.

Curvy Kate via Daily Dot

Sure, I got told by grown men that I had a kickin’ body, but the fashion industry was not making fashionable clothes for my size and shape. So I guess I just have to wait for someone to take a chance and see me naked? Yeah, right!
Folks, I’ve been feeling down this weekend, and seeing that photo helped me understand the reason. I wish I had seen that when I was younger, when I still looked like that. I wish other people had seen it back then, because it demystifies the body hiding beneath the extra fabric. These bodies aren’t gross or scary, they’re gorgeous. What did we do with plus-size in the 90s? Toss a blazer over it, which is basically a paper bag for your body. I wasted so much time being uncomfortable with a body that I would flaunt today. Damn it! Love your body! And if you don’t like it the way it is, love it anyway and show it how much you love it by treating it right. Don’t give up on it. That’s what I did and it’s the stupidest thing you can do. It’s like the saying goes: I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.


All 185 pounds of me still looked great, but 15 years ago you would never tell someone your weight if it was more than 150.


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