1 (800) 273-8255 <—If you need help now, CALL THIS NUMBER!

My blog is as much about beauty as it is about the turmoil beneath the surface.  It took me thirty years to embrace my feminine side, because I never felt pretty.  It was always so much work, and if you’ve battled depression, you know that sort of effort is doubled.  When I lost my dad, it was a wake up call.  I needed to get my own issues under control while I’m still young.  Anxiety and depression run in my family, and while I’ve been treated for them as early as 23, I didn’t realize what an impact they have on my health and future until recently.  This blog has not only been a chronicle of my exploration of cosmetics, it’s also a journal of my mental well-being.  Here are a selection of entries to follow along, so you can see the differences between a happily medicated 30-something, and an unmedicated bundle of nerves.

Anxiety Ate My Nails – 10/08/14 When I was able to grow my nails out, I started to feel more presentable, which gave me the boost I needed to start this adventure.

Little Weird Girl – 10/14/14 About my past and my need to appear “normal” to find employment.

Confessions of an Ex-Nailbiter – 10/15/14 Making amazing progress on the nail growth, I went from feeling happy with a tiny personal accomplishment to feeling confident when others began to notice and compliment me.

Water AND Light – 11/05/14 What happens when money is tight, the truck needs work, the weather doesn’t cooperate, and you’re falling behind on deadlines?  You’re given a chance to see your strength in action.  I may not have felt strong, but I got through it all the same.

Happy Face Basket – 1/29/15 In an effort to incorporate a little positivity into my daily routine, I put together a basket full of inspirational quotes tied to washcloths.  Every day when I go to wash my face, I get a message to think about.  When I’m done, I respond to the quote and put it in a jar to read again when I’m finished with the basket.  It was a beautiful experience.

I Want it All – 1/30/15 A moment of sheer optimism about my totally undecided future.

Book Review: I Hate Myselfie – 3/17/15 This one falls under mental health, because the author struggles with various self-image issues, and I recommend his book to anyone who feels late to the game.

Time Out – 3/25/15 Recovering from a cold, but still kicking, I received a book recommendation from a friend.  Hardcore Self-Help is a good read if you’ve suspected you may need to see a professional for your problems.  It gives you an introduction to the language related to anxiety disorders, and helps you put words to a vague unwellness so that you can get better help.  The coping techniques in the back of the book are great too.

The Road so Far – 5/17/15 A look back at my progress after 100 posts.  Things have changed, and I’m feeling more confident.  It’s a happy time for me.

The Benefits of Spinning Poi – 7/20/15 I haven’t talked about anxiety for quite a while, and I’m feeling strong enough to start working on my body.  I don’t go into details on mental health, but I can’t stress enough the value of play for anxiety treatment.  It’s easier to empty your mind when you’re focused on music and movement, and this workout will wear out the tension that’s built up.  Plus, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something, rather than letting anxiety wear you down for nothing.

Book Review: I Can Barely Take Care of Myself – 7/26/15 This would be my hardest day since the start of my journey.  I’d run out of anxiety meds, but thought I could handle it.  I didn’t realize how much of my life I was neglecting, but it was putting extreme tension on my relationship with my mother.  We came to verbal blows over the subject of this book, and it turns out she was feeling very lonely and neglected.  This was also the three year mark of the last time I took out my anxiety on myself, and three years later I was fighting the battle to keep that timer moving forward.  This was a low point for me, but I found some relief in this book, because I felt like someone else understood me.

Art for Stress Relief – 7/31/15 This is me trying to cope, because I know I have to wait until I have the money to see my doctor again.  I know that I need meds at this point, but I also know that I’ve got to do something to pass the time.  I still haven’t patched things over with my mom at this point, and she has no idea that my lack of communication is due to my lack of ability to handle life.  All she knows is I don’t speak to her as often as she’d like, and that I’m upset with her for wanting grandchildren.  So I draw.  I doodle.  I color.  I think about shapes and colors, and I forget the things that are wearing me down.

Beneath the Surface: Anxiety & Depression – 8/11/15 The day I admitted that my quality of life depended an awful lot on the medication I was taking, and that without it I’m just a human puddle.  I’m determined to get back on the pills just as soon as I can, and I will find a way to make that happen.

8/17/15 I have an appointment this week to see the doctor.  I’ll get my thyroid dosage adjusted and get back on anxiety meds.  I know now that this will be a lifelong requirement, but that my life is so much better when I have them.

http://www.mentalhealth.gov/ For general mental health.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1 (800) 273-8255 <—If you need help now, CALL THIS NUMBER!

I’m making this entry a permanent page in the menu.